walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She told me I should be a condom model.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize