ya dads aren't the best wingmen
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
