Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
