We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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