if you like me you must not know who I am
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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