I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
