Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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