Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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