took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
cat food counts as protein by the way
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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