i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
