Can i not drive my cunt home
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
