I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
