Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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