She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
