I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize