I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
