You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just made out with a guy for $7.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
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