I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
