there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize