6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He keeps bees of course he's weird
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
