He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
