I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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