I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
