Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
