There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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