I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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