Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
