So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
