Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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