I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
