you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
