PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
