he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
