Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize