Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
