Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
