If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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