Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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