How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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