apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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