He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
