I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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