yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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