I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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