A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
