please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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