I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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