I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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