I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
