she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize