Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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