he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My penis needs a shock collar
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I could fuck to npr.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
