dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
