that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
