if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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