I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
