Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
