I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
