Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
