i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
