You work out of a Hotel?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dick very happy bro
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize