I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
