so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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