I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
