I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
