angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
