the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Green mimosas i think yes
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
