I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
