Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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