Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
