you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
