i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
