i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
