My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
