Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
