people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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