Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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